'How ashamed I was!' It's the first sentence from my book: HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR VAGINISMUS - Change your sexual experience from painful to pleasant. This feeling of shame was really intense and extreme.
My goal is to let the readers of my book know how I have felt, and to be as open about it as I can, because very little has been written about it. In this blog, I will take you with me on my journey. Not a normal woman I wasn't just ashamed, I also didn't feel like a 'normal woman'. After all, I thought that every woman was able to have intercourse, except for me. I didn't have any problems functioning in society, and I enjoyed sex. Professionally I am well educated, I like my job, I have wonderful friends, and I have had relationships with men. Though there was always this feeling of sadness, frustration, and fear. I was having these feelings, because I also really wanted to be able to have intercourse, but I didn't know how to accomplish that. I went to see different counsellors to find a solution, but I didn't really find one.
Fear of the cause I was convinced that there had to be one cause for my vaginismus, and that it was absolutely necessary to first find this cause, in order to be able to solve it. Because it wasn't really clear for me what the cause was, I started to imagine all sorts of things. I thought that it had to be a very dramatic cause, because the physical reaction was so extreme. Because of this, my fear of finding the cause grew bigger, because I was afraid of how I might feel about it. This was one of the reasons why my journey of overcoming my vaginismus took so long.
Letting go of focusing on the cause Eventually, knowing the cause of my vaginismus turned out to be irrelevant in trying to allow a penis inside my vagina and in having enjoyable sex. It wasn't until after I had overcome my vaginismus, that I became aware of all the things that had played a part in this. There wasn't just one cause, but several ones. All my years of searching for the cause has impeded me enormously in taking small, helpful steps. And I wasn't the only one, many women I have guided had also spent a long time looking for and focusing on the cause.
Different angles Of course it can be very helpful to have one obvious cause, because then you are able to do something with it, in order to come to a solution. But in my case, there are always a number of causes, and this is true for many other women. Therefore, the solution lies in approaching the problem from different angles, and finding the solution is just one of those angles. This often leads to good results. This was true for me, as well as for the women I have guided.