Vaginismus treatment
  • Home
  • Vaginismus
    • What is vaginismus
    • With whom does pain during sex occur
    • How often does vaginismus and pain during sex occur
    • Causes of pain during sex
    • Feelings you have when you experience pain during sex
  • Video tips
    • What moves Jacqueline
    • What to expect during coaching
    • Approach that leads to good results
    • Why open about own experience
    • What is the effect of stress on vaginismus and pain with sex
    • Two ways to deal with stress
    • Simple short relaxation exercise
    • Overcoming fear of the penis
    • Not stretching, but relaxing your vagina
    • How defecating and urinating the right way can help with vaginismus and pain during sex
    • Technique on how to insert a finger into your vagina
    • Tip for men
  • About me
    • Who is Jacqueline van de Bilt
    • How I overcame my vaginismus
    • Coaching method for pain during sex
    • Experiences from clients with my coaching
  • Book
    • Buy book "How to overcome your vaginismus"
    • Responses book "How to overcome your vaginismus"
  • Activities
    • Coaching for vaginismus and pain during sex
    • Consultation hour on WhatsApp about pain during sex
    • Interview methodology and approach
    • Seminar and training methodoloy pain during sex
  • Fees
  • Media
    • Instagram live with Nick Vernola form Atlanta Physical Therapy Media
    • Article Marie Claire CO UK vaginismus
    • Article The Sun CO UK my answers to embarrassing female sex questions
  • Tools
    • Lubricant and coconut oil
    • Toys
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Dutch
    • Home
    • Vaginisme >
      • Wat is vaginisme
      • Bij wie komt pijn bij seks voor
      • Hoe vaak komt pijn bij seks voor.
      • Oorzaken van pijn bij seks
      • Gevoelens wanneer je pijn hebt bij seks
    • Filmpjes met tips >
      • Waardoor Jacqueline ontroerd raakt
      • Wat kun je verwachten tijdens coaching
      • Benadering die goede resultaten geeft
      • Waarom open over eigen ervaring
      • Wat is stress en hoe ontstaan stressklachten
      • Welk effect heeft stress op vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Twee manieren hoe je om kunt gaan met stress
      • Eenvoudige ontspanningsoefening
      • Angst voor de penis overwinnen
      • Je vagina niet oprekken, maar ontspannen!!
      • Hoe goed poepen en plassen kan helpen bij vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Techniek hoe je een vinger in je vagina kunt brengen
      • Tip voor mannen
    • Over mij >
      • Coaching bij vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Wie is Jacqueline van de Bilt
      • Hoe ik mijn vaginisme overwon
      • Werkwijze coaching pijn bij seks
      • Ervaringen van clienten over mijn coaching pijn bij seks
    • Activiteiten >
      • Interview methodiek en benadering
      • App spreekuur over pijn bij seks
      • Lezingen en workshops over seksualiteit >
        • Lezing Bekkenbodemklachten Hoe los je deze op
        • Workshop ontspannen en vrij genieten van je seksualiteit
      • Gastspreker over mijn expertise bij vaginisme
      • Lezing en training methodiek pijn bij seks
    • Boek >
      • Boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" kopen
      • Boekpresentatie "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
      • Recensies boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" >
        • Reacties boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
        • Recensie boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" in tijdschrift voor seksuologie
        • Recensie boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" VOG magazine
        • Recensie in krant boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
    • Tarief
    • Media >
      • Pijn bij seks en methodiek in blad ONKRUID
      • Vaginisme en mijn late ontmaagding in blad LIBELLE
      • TV gastspreker KOFFIETIJD Vocale vulvitus en vaginisme
      • Mijn methodiek en ervaring in blad MIJN GEHEIM
      • TV gastspreker en Q&A na documentaire "MY FUCKING PROBLEM"
      • TV gastspreker programma INGEZOEMD over pijn bij vrijen en behandeling
      • Dialoog over visie op vaginisme
      • TV gastspreker in programma Spuiten en Slikken vaginisme open besproken
      • Open over het overwinnen van mijn vaginisme in blad de TOP SANTE
      • Vaginisme en zelfbeeld in blad BEHAVE
      • Vaginisme en media in nieuwsbrief YILA
    • Blog >
      • Schamen en vaginisme
      • Vaginisme op tv
      • Reactie winnares boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
      • Kunnen harde seksuele woorden vaginisme veroorzaken?
      • Waarom gemeenschap met pijn?
      • Geschrokken man die zich schuldig voelt
      • Waarom als expert zo open over je eigen ervaring met overwinnen vaginisme
    • Hulpmiddelen >
      • Glijmiddel en kokosnootolie
      • Speeltjes
    • Contact

How I, Jacqueline van de Bilt, overcame my vaginismus

Discovering that I couldn't allow a tampon, a finger, or a penis

When I was about 15 years old, I discoverd that I couldn't insert a tampon. Later, when I tried to insert a finger or a penis into my vagina, I bumped into something, and the finger or penis couldn't go any further. Nothing could go into my vagina. It felt completely closed. I couldn't even insert a cotton swab. 
​You might think that something bad must have happened in my life, but that is not the case. Over the years, I started to like having sex more and more. I was able to get aroused, and have an orgasm. Though inserting a finger or a penis into my vagina, was impossible. I was very firm about this towards boyfriends, and like me, they considered it a given, and they respected it. 

My feelings

​I felt very alone with this problem. I was very ashamed. No one I knew was having the same problem. I thought that everyone was able to have intercourse, except for me. I didn't feel complete or normal, as a woman, and I felt inadequate towards boyfriends. I tried to compensate this with other sexual acts. I felt like I had to excel at this. 

Not just one, but several causes

My vaginismus didn't just have one cause. Little knowledge, shame, and having trouble relaxing the area around the pelvic floor was all part of it. For example, I thought my vagina was sort of an open hole a finger or a penis would easily fit into. When this wasn't the case, I thought something was seriously wrong with me.  

Recognition and acknowledgement

​The first time I talked to other women with vaginismus, I felt such relief and recognition. I finally didn't feel like the only 'abnormal woman'. I was surprised how much fun, how normal, and how well educated these women were.

Many different therapists

​I felt very strongly about wanting to get rid of my vaginismus. I wanted to be normal. I would do anything to achieve that. I went to see many different therapists, focused on my self-confidence, on body awareness, relaxation, knowledge of the body and intercourse. And I was in a therapeutic group with other women with vaginismus. This help made me gain more self-confidence, I became more familiar with my body and genitals, I became more aware of the tension in my body, I learned how to relax my body, and I gained some practical knowledge about intercourse. All this made me more confident, but I still couldn't allow a penis. After trying many times, I did manage to insert a finger. 

Intimate explanation from a friend

​After that, my friends helped me a great deal. I started to ask them a lot of intimate questions. I gained a lot of knowledge, which made me try out different things. Because of this, I learned more about inserting a penis. Each time it didn't work, it felt like failure. But when a step did succeed, it felt great.

Together with my boyfriend

​I spent years trying to find the cause. To be honest, this has only helped me a little. What helped me much more, was focusing on what I needed to open up, psychologically as well as physically. With a lot of love, care, and perseverance, I managed to insert a penis, step by step. During this phase, my boyfriend was very important and helpful. His trust, calmness, and perseverance made sure I wanted to try things again and again. As a result, I was able to enjoy having intercourse. 

Eye-opener for myself and others

​After I had overcome my vaginismus, I met other women with vaginismus in the self-help group for vaginismus at that time. I gave those women tips about things that had helped me. One of these women then asked if I wanted to coach women myself. She liked my approach and my practical tips very much, and she found them very helpful. When I started thinking about that, I realized how difficult my own search for help had been. I often felt misunderstood by therapists. All those different approaches didn't really "open me up". They were long conversations, not even about vaginismus a lot of the time, but all kinds of side tracks. It often made me feel despondent. 

Specialized in coaching regarding vaginismus and pain during sex

​That's why, in 2006, I decided to start coaching women with vaginismus. In the past couple of years, I developed my own method. The beauty of it is that the combination of my method and my approach makes women actually try out different things, and they gain wonderful results. This was exactly what I had in mind. Nowadays, my coaching is no longer based on my own experience. It is now a combination of coaching experience, my personality, my knowledge, and my approach.
The fact that I overcame
my own vaginismus is a huge advantage, because it makes it easier for me to empathize with and support the women I coach.

More about Jacqueline

  • ​Want to see and hear more about my experience with overcoming vaginismus, my coaching experience, and the contents of my book "How to overcome vaginismus"? My book presentation has been recorded on video. In short, I talk about my journey towards overcoming vaginismus, my coaching experiences, and the contents of my book. 
  • ​In my book "How to overcome your vaginismus", I share many intimate experiences to offer recognition and acknowledgement, throughout the entire step-by-step plan. 
  • ​​Frequently, as an experience expert and professional, I've been asked to answer questions in the media, regarding vaginismus and pain during sex. I am very open about this. Read and watch the different articles and tv shows.
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  • Home
  • Vaginismus
    • What is vaginismus
    • With whom does pain during sex occur
    • How often does vaginismus and pain during sex occur
    • Causes of pain during sex
    • Feelings you have when you experience pain during sex
  • Video tips
    • What moves Jacqueline
    • What to expect during coaching
    • Approach that leads to good results
    • Why open about own experience
    • What is the effect of stress on vaginismus and pain with sex
    • Two ways to deal with stress
    • Simple short relaxation exercise
    • Overcoming fear of the penis
    • Not stretching, but relaxing your vagina
    • How defecating and urinating the right way can help with vaginismus and pain during sex
    • Technique on how to insert a finger into your vagina
    • Tip for men
  • About me
    • Who is Jacqueline van de Bilt
    • How I overcame my vaginismus
    • Coaching method for pain during sex
    • Experiences from clients with my coaching
  • Book
    • Buy book "How to overcome your vaginismus"
    • Responses book "How to overcome your vaginismus"
  • Activities
    • Coaching for vaginismus and pain during sex
    • Consultation hour on WhatsApp about pain during sex
    • Interview methodology and approach
    • Seminar and training methodoloy pain during sex
  • Fees
  • Media
    • Instagram live with Nick Vernola form Atlanta Physical Therapy Media
    • Article Marie Claire CO UK vaginismus
    • Article The Sun CO UK my answers to embarrassing female sex questions
  • Tools
    • Lubricant and coconut oil
    • Toys
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Dutch
    • Home
    • Vaginisme >
      • Wat is vaginisme
      • Bij wie komt pijn bij seks voor
      • Hoe vaak komt pijn bij seks voor.
      • Oorzaken van pijn bij seks
      • Gevoelens wanneer je pijn hebt bij seks
    • Filmpjes met tips >
      • Waardoor Jacqueline ontroerd raakt
      • Wat kun je verwachten tijdens coaching
      • Benadering die goede resultaten geeft
      • Waarom open over eigen ervaring
      • Wat is stress en hoe ontstaan stressklachten
      • Welk effect heeft stress op vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Twee manieren hoe je om kunt gaan met stress
      • Eenvoudige ontspanningsoefening
      • Angst voor de penis overwinnen
      • Je vagina niet oprekken, maar ontspannen!!
      • Hoe goed poepen en plassen kan helpen bij vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Techniek hoe je een vinger in je vagina kunt brengen
      • Tip voor mannen
    • Over mij >
      • Coaching bij vaginisme en pijn bij seks
      • Wie is Jacqueline van de Bilt
      • Hoe ik mijn vaginisme overwon
      • Werkwijze coaching pijn bij seks
      • Ervaringen van clienten over mijn coaching pijn bij seks
    • Activiteiten >
      • Interview methodiek en benadering
      • App spreekuur over pijn bij seks
      • Lezingen en workshops over seksualiteit >
        • Lezing Bekkenbodemklachten Hoe los je deze op
        • Workshop ontspannen en vrij genieten van je seksualiteit
      • Gastspreker over mijn expertise bij vaginisme
      • Lezing en training methodiek pijn bij seks
    • Boek >
      • Boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" kopen
      • Boekpresentatie "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
      • Recensies boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" >
        • Reacties boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
        • Recensie boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" in tijdschrift voor seksuologie
        • Recensie boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME" VOG magazine
        • Recensie in krant boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
    • Tarief
    • Media >
      • Pijn bij seks en methodiek in blad ONKRUID
      • Vaginisme en mijn late ontmaagding in blad LIBELLE
      • TV gastspreker KOFFIETIJD Vocale vulvitus en vaginisme
      • Mijn methodiek en ervaring in blad MIJN GEHEIM
      • TV gastspreker en Q&A na documentaire "MY FUCKING PROBLEM"
      • TV gastspreker programma INGEZOEMD over pijn bij vrijen en behandeling
      • Dialoog over visie op vaginisme
      • TV gastspreker in programma Spuiten en Slikken vaginisme open besproken
      • Open over het overwinnen van mijn vaginisme in blad de TOP SANTE
      • Vaginisme en zelfbeeld in blad BEHAVE
      • Vaginisme en media in nieuwsbrief YILA
    • Blog >
      • Schamen en vaginisme
      • Vaginisme op tv
      • Reactie winnares boek "OVERWIN JE VAGINISME"
      • Kunnen harde seksuele woorden vaginisme veroorzaken?
      • Waarom gemeenschap met pijn?
      • Geschrokken man die zich schuldig voelt
      • Waarom als expert zo open over je eigen ervaring met overwinnen vaginisme
    • Hulpmiddelen >
      • Glijmiddel en kokosnootolie
      • Speeltjes
    • Contact