Reviews about my coaching for vaginismus and pain during sex
Coaching experiences from clients, before and after the process
"8 Years of struggling, before I came to see Jacqueline. I was then able to insert a tampon, and some tubes (which was still difficult, for that matter). But I couldn't get the last part (intercourse) done. I tried different tools, but nothing worked. After I had decided to commit myself entirely to finding a solution, I browsed the internet in search of what to do. I thought: 'what can be better than talking to someone who has dealt with the same problem?' So, I sent Jacqueline a message (through Skype). During our first conversation, everything she said felt very familiar: 'you feel like less of a person, even though there is absolutely no need to.' This gave me a little more faith in myself. It is so nice to talk to someone who has been through the same, because you know for sure that person understands you, and is not just saying things. The first conversation was also my last. After our conversation, I succeeded. I was so happy, it was like a dream come true. Even though you might think 'it's never going to work', never give up, and keep going for it! I am eternally grateful for Jacqueline's help, and for the wonderful conversation and the tips she gave me. Again, thank you so much!! I am still very happy. Kind regards, C.M."
"IneverthoughtIcouldovercomethis! Jacquelinetaughtmestepbystepthroughpracticalexercisestobecome(literally)moreopen.Through to thetips,opennessandlovingapproachIstarted with theexercises.Everystepgavemeconfidence.Iam very proudproud that I have overcome my vaginismus. Inaddition,Ialsoreceived reactions from loved ones,suchascolleaguesandfriends,thatIhavebecomemoreopeninmydailylifeasaperson. I was gratefulto encounter Jacquelineonmypath."Sanne
"HER INVOLVEMENT AND PRACTICAL TIPS MADE ME DARE TO TAKE STEPS."
"FINALLY ENJOY AGAIN."
"YOUR GREAT EXPERIENCE AND DEEPEST DETAILS HAVE TAKEN ME THIS FAR"
"After years of enjoying sex, I developed vaginismus during a new relationship. I didn't pay enough attention to my own boundaries, so I kept trying despite of the pain. At a certain point, it became impossible to have sex. After 6 years of vaginismus, I can now enjoy sex again! I so desperately wanted to get rid of my vaginismus myself, that I waited a long time searching for help. When I look back now, I would have approached Jacqueline much sooner. When I sent her an e-mail, I was already able to have sex sometimes, without experiencing pain. The fear was still there, however, which made it impossible for me to relax. I only had one conversation with Jacqueline. But this gave me much more (self-) confidence. She gave me practical tips, and made me aware of the fact that I shouldn't be afraid of pointing out what I do and do not want. I started doing this, and partly because of that, I am able to enjoy sex again (without experiencing pain!) Sara."
"It's a big step asking for help, when you want something so bad, but you can't seem to do it on your own. When I was searching the internet, I found Jacqueline. After having read some really good reviews and having watched a few videos, I decided to contact her. I was pretty nervous. I talked to Jacqueline through Skype. The conversations were very positive. Every small step was rewarded, which made me feel good. I felt comfortable with Jacqueline. She understood me, and therefore I was able to talk to her very openly. I noticed Jacqueline was sincerely interested, which made our conversations personal as well. The book "How to overcome your vaginismus" was my guide throughout the entire process of practicing, in order to get where I wanted to be. I want to thank Jacqueline for all of her help and support." Anonymous
So nice you have been able to help us with that last part. Piet also wants to say thank you! Jacqueline, we are so grateful for what you did for us. We were definitely already making progress, but this was exactly the push in the right direction that we needed. Your sense of humor is contagious, and your practical tips have also helped us a great deal! It was so wonderful to have been able to talk to someone who knows exactly what it feels like herself, and knows the kind of beliefs that can get in the way sometimes. We keep enjoy practicing :)! Best of luck with the wonderful job you're doing! Kind regards, Aukje
Thank you for your tips and advice. I am definitely going to try it. Also good to know what 'normal' is. We are enjoying it very much at the moment. For me, this wasn't the case before. My husband did enjoy it, of course. But now I am starting to take more and more pleasure in it as well, and we are indeed both starting to find our way. I am happy with your advice, because I don't talk about it with friends or other people. In a way, we are even enjoying the fact that we are now at this peak, after 8 years of marriage. If I ever have any questions, I know where to find you. Thank you!! Kind regards, Riet
“When I started reading Jacqueline's book, I immediately know that if there was anyone who could help me with my vaginismus, it would be Jacqueline. For me, it was very stressful to even talk about this subject, but Jacqueline made me feel so at ease, that I was really relieved afterwards. In retrospect, making an appointment was more difficult than the actual conversations. Jacqueline's approach of tenderness towards yourself, I found very beautiful. I cried a great amount during our sessions, but I really laughed a lot as well. I felt seen by Jacqueline's sincere interest and commitment, and her sense of humor and practical tips made sure I dared to take steps. So, all in all, I am so glad I asked Jacqueline for help." Evy (32) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“I came to Jacqueline, because I have vaginismus and I really wanted to have kids, but I didn't know how. In 2006, we read the article in Top Sante, where Jacqueline talked so openly about her own experience, and the fact that she was now coaching women as well. So we thought: maybe she can also help us have kids. During the conversations, where my husband was also present, we talked about the tips to become pregnant, which were real simple. Surprisingly enough, I got pregnant within a few months. Because of Jacqueline's explanation about how and what regarding giving birth, I wasn't that nervous about it. Our baby was born. We are so happy. We reached our goal!!!" Peter and Anita
“Jacqueline combines exercises to discover your sexuality and your body with examining your beliefs, expectations, and fears. You can tell by everything that she understands the problem from within, and knows exactly what to say so that you go ahead and turn the 'key'." Marleen
“I had vaginismus, and it was horrible. Everything that had to do with sex, I found scary and nerve wrecking. I was afraid to pronounce words that had to do with sex. My husband and I didn't have much of a sex life anymore. Whenever we had sex, it was still nice, but there was always a 'but'. That we couldn't have normal sex. No intercourse. I felt very guilty about that. I wasn't normal. It took me years before I dared to make an appointment. When I saw Jacqueline on TV, I thought she was a very nice woman. Maybe she can help me. With Jacqueline, I noticed that talking about sex was much easier than I had thought. We was very open and accessible. She used specific and clear terms, with much respect and tenderness Therefore, I dared to open up more. Using small steps, I discovered how my vagina could open in very different steps. This gave me and my husband more and more confidence that it would one day succeed. I was incredibly happy when I managed to have intercourse the first time. I wanted to let Jacqueline know this immediately. Her happy moving response did me so much good. Me and my husband together then had a few more conversations to learn a little bit more about how to make lovemaking, sex, and intercourse even better for both my husband and me. We finally enjoy ourselves. " Ans 42
“I had already been to different counsellors. But to be honest, it didn't help much. I often felt like they didn't understand me. Until I found Jacqueline's website. I read her story, and it appealed to me. I went to her practice. I felt at ease right from the start. Her approach was open an pleasant. I didn't feel any pressure to pretend to be stronger or better than how I was feeling. What stuck with me most, was that she said how important it was to be loving and tender towards yourself. The strange thing is, that I always thought I had to be strong and push myself, to get results. I was happily surprised to discover that a tender and loving approach made me dare to take steps. I am very happy with the result. I hope that, when I have a partner again, I can put what I have learned into practice. In any case, I have experienced that my vagina is open enough.” Angelique
“You already know how happy I am, but my husband wants to let you know how very grateful he is as well. He is now able to freely show his love and passion. We are truly enjoying this. It's amazing. Thank you." Nadia
"What love you radiate. It is clear where your passion lies. Thank you so much for helping me overcome my vaginismus which I never thought would work out. Your loving approach and your great experience that you wanted to share with me in the deepest details have brought me this far. I will never forget you." Petra
"I came to see Jacqueline because I wanted to be more assertive. During the conversations, the fact that I was having small breaks in the skin between my vagina and my anus. I had already tried different creams, but they didn't work. Until I came to see Jacqueline. She gave me tips to make the skin heal. I had to be patient, though. It wasn't over within a week, it took a couple of months. But now my skin is all better, and I can enjoy having intercourse with my partner again. Jacqueline's approach was very pleasant. She treated me with respect, and made me feel at ease. She was able to give a positive view of things, which made me more positive as well, about everything. Jacqueline, I would like to thank you so much, for all of your help! The help for what I came to see you about, as well as the help regarding my vaginal problems. I am so grateful, because partly because of you I'm feeling so much better again." Mirjam, June 2017
“Hello Jacqueline, A few years ago, my husband and I had a couple of conversations with you about my vaginismus. Because of various circumstances, we ended them rather abruptly. I wanted to let you know that about a year after we stopped seeing you, we started using your tips again. For a while now, we are able to have intercourse again. We are very happy about this. Just wanted to let you know." Kind regards, Rianne.
"I just wanted to let you know how pleased I am with your help. And I think you are doing a really good job. Every time I leave your practice, I feel so much better. And - more importantly - afterwards, during the week, I keep thinking about the things you have said, and I try to put them into practice. And it makes me happier! Really, thank you so much for wanting to do this. I hadn't mentioned this to you yet. I always think people can notice this about me, but I just wanted to say it out loud." Kind regards, L
Kelly came to see me after having been to different counsellors. She very much wanted to have intercourse, but she couldn't. She wasn't in contact with her body much, and she was pretty hard on herself. She was having problems getting aroused. She couldn't have an orgasm. She found it difficult to please herself, and her boyfriend. She was having all sorts of negative beliefs. When I asked her to write down how she had experienced my coaching, she wrote the following: “My mother has always known about my problem, and drove me to places, because I don't have a driver's license myself. My mother and I saw Jacqueline on TV, and I immediately called her the next day to make an appointment. Our first appointment was at her practice at home, and it was a very pleasant conversation, because I didn't have to tell her anything I didn't want to. She did ask questions, but it was just a conversation. Jacqueline also explained things about the genitals and sex, that I hadn't heard about before, with other sexologists. I found that information very useful. I also liked the fact that Jacqueline used to have vaginismus as well, which may sound strange, but she knew what she was talking about, which was very pleasant. Our second conversation was through Skype, which was easier, because that way, my mother didn't have to drive me. Jacqueline gave me an assignment for the first time, that I actually liked and wanted to try. I had to buy some nice soap for the shower, was myself with it and feel myself. It didn't have to be sexual, just rubbing my arms and legs. Simply doing what I liked. I shouldn't have sex anymore with my boyfriend either, because it's not right to do something that hurts. I had to gain more fun experiences regarding sex. (We didn't have a lot of it to begin with). Jacqueline also asked me to think about things I had never really thought about much before. Why I didn't like certain things, for example. She also gave me an exercise about giving my boyfriend a kiss, as in: I think you're sweet. And another kiss, as in: I'm going to pleasure you now. I personally found the exercise kind of weird, but funny as well. I don't like carrying out assignments at all, but this one I was able to do and maintain. At a certain point, we started talking about masturbation, and what would work best for me, and what aroused me. The first things I thought about was porno, because I always liked watching that. The goal of touching myself wasn't to have an orgasm, per se, but more that I started enjoying it. Eventually, I started pleasuring myself with a vibrator while watching porno. and for the first time in my life, I had an orgasm. That was really something special. At first, I thought: well, I think I would like that every now and then, but now I'm doing it more often, and I start enjoying it more and more. My boyfriend was also really happy for me, and so was Jacqueline. The next step was giving my boyfriend a blowjob while he was watching, because I didn't really like doing this, and I found it weird. But I started thinking about why I found it weird, and I found out that it didn't really make any sense, so we thought it was a good idea to practice this. This exercise was a success as well, though the exercise about not having sex wasn't, We had sex for the first time in 3.5 years, and it didn't hurt at all! We did it 5 times that evening. I still didn't like it very much, but I was so relieved that I was able to have sex without experiencing pain. After that, the pain wasn't gone every time, but it was getting less and less. Unfortunately, I still didn't get fully aroused, but I did get very wet. I wanted to try all sorts of things: sex on the stairs, on the couch, in the kitchen, and all kinds of different positions. I was really enjoying it (and so was my boyfriend), and then I got my period. After that, I needed some time to get into the flow again, because I didn't really feel the need to, during that week. But after having done it again, a couple of times, it was going well again. I even got aroused, and I no longer saw sex and touching my boyfriend as an obligation, but as something enjoyable. At my next appointment with Jacqueline, she was so thrilled, when I told her about it. She was so happy for us, and she was also surprised about how fast it went. Because I was already having this problem for quite some time, but Jacqueline helped us get rid of it within 3 months. I am so grateful, and I thought: I wish I had met her 3.5 years ago. I'm now having sex at least 4 times a week, and I'm also pleasuring myself a couple of times a week, and I am enjoying it very much. I recommend Jacqueline to everyone, because she knows what it's like not being able to have sex. She makes you think about things, and gives you exercises you will want to try, and information and explanations about certain things that are really useful to know." Kelly, 18 yrs old
"I would like to write down all the things that have changed, since our conversations. Which is a lot.
The reason I came to see you, was that I couldn't have intercourse with my husband. Now I am able to have intercourse again, but I learned so much more. First, I always found our conversations very pleasant. I really felt comfortable and I could talk openly to you. Because you knew exactly how to ask me the right questions, I learned so much more about myself. Sometimes, you kept asking further questions, you made me wonder about things, and I discovered things about myself that I was actually surprised of. Positive things, as well as negative, of course. I really appreciated it that you don't just assume that everything is psychological. You really explored the physical part of it as well, and you gave me some really good tips. Which is why I can now enjoy intercourse. What I especially learned and changed about myself, is to be more loving towards myself, but towards others as well. I'm not annoyed with people as much anymore, whenever things don't go fast enough, and I also think about other people's reasons, so I am not that judgmental anymore. I've also learned to be less demanding and critical towards myself. But most of all, to listen to my body more, and to become one with my body. I've learned to feel more, and to think about what I feel, and to relax. I am able to enjoy the little things more, because I take more time for them now. I am less rushed, and I can feel things better now. In that respect, the exercises you gave me have helped me a great deal. I have become so much more relaxed, even though I catch myself sometimes, regressing to old habits. But then I try to remind myself of all the things I have learned. In fact, I always went home with the feeling that I learned a little more about myself, and that I gained more insights. In that respect, I always found our conversations very helpful and useful. Most likely, I have forgotten a lot of the change, and the useful things you have told me. But it has changed me in a positive way. For myself, as well as for the people in my life." I.H.
Jacqueline van de Bilt, Alphen aan den Rijn The Netherlands (+31) (0)6-49088912 firstname.lastname@example.org