Pain during intercourse, topic on an parties?
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I hear stories of pain from sex everywhere
At birthdays, parties and everywhere I visit regularly, I listen with amazement to the often very openly detailed experiences of women with pain during sex. They saw me after the documentary "My fucking problem", on TV program ‘Koffietijd’ or ask what kind of work I do. It is shocking how many women have pain during sex. With very different causes, but the same effect. They cannot have intercourse without pain. |
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I listen to these stories with emotion, sometimes horror and full of compassion. I know many women have vaginismus. But the group of women with pain during intercourse, is much bigger.
What I find worst is that many of these women have excepted it.
Others still have intercourse despite the pain.
Almost all of these women find their response to be logical.
What a dilemma.
What can I do with these stories?
What did they expect from me?
Only to tell their story?
For a number of them, I was the first with whom they dared to share their experiences and the grief about it.
What was my task at the time?
They had not asked me a question.
They did not come to my practice as clients.
Expressing my thoughts per person: "No don't, don't continue" or "there is definitely something you can do about it in your situation" was not appropriate. Asking in-depth questions wasn’t either.
Sometimes I gave a tip.
I shared what had helped someone else.
Every now and then I shared something personal. I hoped to get these women to think about it.
Are you one of those many women with pain during intercourse?
Do not accept it yet.
Do not continue, because then the pain will get worse and vaginismus may develop.
Do not continue with pain.
I notice the consequences daily during conversations with women with vaginismus or pain during sex.
Take the pain seriously. It is your body and you are responsible for it.
Find out what you need to be able to enjoy intercourse again as part of your entire sex life.
Ask for help if necessary.
- Mieke: "Years ago I was operated on for a prolapse. After that sex was very painful.
- Leontien: "Oh, I can only have it once a week, because it is so sore after the intercourse."
- Veere: "Now that I am in the menopause, the arousel lasts so long that I stop prematurely. Or I just let the intercourse happen, even if it is not so good anymore."
- Rine: "I’ve had all kinds of wounds for years, I’ve tried everything but nothing works. There is no difference."
What I find worst is that many of these women have excepted it.
Others still have intercourse despite the pain.
Almost all of these women find their response to be logical.
What a dilemma.
What can I do with these stories?
What did they expect from me?
Only to tell their story?
For a number of them, I was the first with whom they dared to share their experiences and the grief about it.
What was my task at the time?
They had not asked me a question.
They did not come to my practice as clients.
Expressing my thoughts per person: "No don't, don't continue" or "there is definitely something you can do about it in your situation" was not appropriate. Asking in-depth questions wasn’t either.
Sometimes I gave a tip.
I shared what had helped someone else.
Every now and then I shared something personal. I hoped to get these women to think about it.
Are you one of those many women with pain during intercourse?
Do not accept it yet.
Do not continue, because then the pain will get worse and vaginismus may develop.
Do not continue with pain.
I notice the consequences daily during conversations with women with vaginismus or pain during sex.
Take the pain seriously. It is your body and you are responsible for it.
Find out what you need to be able to enjoy intercourse again as part of your entire sex life.
Ask for help if necessary.
