40, 60, 80, 95 maybe 100%, the Upper ladies from Upper at home and saleswomen from concept store Tutti Passi said, during the training, to my question: "How common is vaginismus and pain during intercourse?"
The number of women with vaginismus they talk to is also large.
The latest studies in the Netherlands have shown that about 1 in 10 women has occasional, regular or always pain during intercourse. Under 25 years this is 1 in 2. About 1 in 20 women has vaginismus.
These numbers are also high.
But how is it possible that nearly 100 Upper ladies who give an Upper at home party about 1, 2 or 3 times a week to an average of 10 women, then report much higher numbers? The saleswomen also regularly talking to women with these problems in the shops. On the Upper at home and in the shops, there are women of all ages, from very different backgrounds, education and jobs. You will actually find the cross-section of all women there. I suspect, I am actually sure, that not everyone recognizes themselves in the words vaginismus or pain during intercourse. Only when I give a number of examples do more women recognize themselves.
Then I hear:
“Yes, every now and then in my cycle I am naturally drier. Arousal and getting moist takes longer and that's why I actually let my man into my vagina too quickly. It feels sore after that. ”
“Yes, I am aroused and moist, but when the penis keeps moving inside me for a little longer, it sometimes dries up suddenly. Then it no longer feels good. But I feel my husband is about to cum, so I let it go. After that it is sensitive or painful at the opening of the vagina for days. ”
“Yes, we don't take so much time for foreplay anymore, because we are so busy. I used to enjoy sex and intercourse. Now it feels more like an obligation. ”
“Yes, intercourse is just part of it. "Just keep going," my mother used to say.
The Upper ladies said it is almost always talked about during the Upper at home. And that afterwards, when ordering the products, which takes place separately from the group, many stories are told about this subject and questions are asked. That is why they are so happy with this training.
The saleswomen of the Tutti Passi concept store also regularly receive women with questions about this problem. The shops are female-friendly and sell very beautiful, good quality products. The atmosphere, the decoration of the shops and the accessibility of the salespeople ensure that they too receive many questions about this subject. They listen carefully, give recognition and understanding. They also discuss with the women what the options could be for solving the problem. Or at least what these women need to take a small first step.
I wonder now.
How many women would really have occasional, regular, or always unpleasant or painful intercourse?
How many women would really have vaginismus?
How much of a difference would it make for these women if the topic were discussed more openly?
What difference would more knowledge about what your body needs and likes make?
What difference would it make for these women if they take their discomfort or pain during intercourse seriously? When they recognize their limit and act on it? If they would deal with themselves and their bodies with much more gentleness and compassion?
Yes, I know how much of a difference this will make to these, all women basically. They and their partners would discover how to enjoy intercourse as part of a good sex life?
Jacqueline van de Bilt, Alphen aan den Rijn The Netherlands (+31) (0)6-49088912 firstname.lastname@example.org