I have to do everything perfectly, because only then it will work Blog
Is perfection possible? Rina 27 years old has vaginismus, she has never been able to have intercourse before.
She keeps men who want to date her at bay. Afraid of opening up and then getting hurt.
During one of the coaching conversations, Rina said her boss wanted her to try something new. "I tried, but it didn't work," she said. "It's stupid too, I'm not going to do it again."
"What are you afraid of?" I asked her. "That I will never succeed." she said.
I have seen what happened during the conversation with her, but also with other women I coached. Rina set high standards for herself. She felt that she should be able to do everything right (perfectly) quickly. When this failed, she became demotivated. In response, she became stubborn and held on to her own ideas that it wouldn't work anyway.
I asked Rina the question: "How come you have already come this far with vaginismus?"
She said, "I know exactly what to do and I do." "How did that happen?" I asked. She said, "I believe I can." "Where did that confidence come through, when you came here you didn't have it yet." I asked her.
She looked at me and smiled. "With the knowledge I need and small feasible steps I also achieve my goal."
These were my words that I use regularly when women expect too much from themselves too quickly.
The next time Rina told me how it went at work. She had asked her boss for more information. What exactly he expected and who could help her with it. Colleagues helped her with the set-up. It was still a difficult assignment, but Rina felt more confident that she could handle it.
"Your approach to vaginismus also teaches me a lot that I can use in my daily life. That's a nice extra." said Rina.
How do you make your step-by-step plan? Do you expect too much from yourself too soon?
What could happen if you were more comfortable with yourself? When you take steps you want to take really appropriate and feasible.
Jacqueline van de Bilt, Alphen aan den Rijn The Netherlands (+31) (0)6-49088912 email@example.com